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Meltdown

Today I left my house. There were some things I had to have from the grocery so I ordered them from Walmart, ultimately the one in Covington because the two closest to me didn't have any delivery times ...or eggs. I felt a little like a rebel because I have stayed home every day since we have been out of school except for going by the school to take care of some business one afternoon. We had the gloved lady put the groceries in the trunk and when we got them home we set them on the table and took each item and wiped it down with a Lysol wipe before putting them in the pantry. Then we threw the bags away and wiped down the table and then wiped down ourselves. It was honestly a lot of work for a few bags of groceries especially since one of the 14 items that were out of stock was ice cream. Today made me realize how different things have become for now. It felt foreign to go through all those steps for a few groceries and to decide what we would use to replace eggs and to use a Lysol wipe on the handle before pumping gas. It made me realize that if I were a child noticing these things and hearing people talk I might process it out to mean I wasn't safe. I might wonder if, even the things and people that I had always considered completely safe were truly safe. And I might wonder if things were safe, why I couldn't see people that made me feel that way like my teachers and friends and maybe even grandma and grandpa. I might even have a meltdown or cry frequently or feel sad or angry for no reason anyone can clearly see. I am a somewhat typical adult who processes things mostly in an adult sort of way but I have been restless and had difficulty concentrating. Some nights I just don't sleep that well and then I am short with people I love. Later I may realize that all this gets to me a little more than I realized and I can apologize and tell that person I love why I acted that way. But if I were really young or if I processed information in a different sort of way or if I only saw that people were stressed and I didn't understand...well, I might have a meltdown every now and then. I am thankful that my Heavenly Father understands and He has grace. His grace covers all my unsightly behaviors. Today reminded me to let grace win with others. "Grace is the face love wears when it meets imperfection". It's my new favorite quote. I hope that each one of you is wearing your "grace face" not just with your kids but with yourselves too. We are doing almost everything in a different way or for the first time. We are all learners. Be kind to your kids but be kind to you too. Just wear your "grace face". I love you fiercely!

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